


Dick And Jason's Crash Course In Parenting

by watchingthestars13



Category: DCU
Genre: Damian is adorable as fuck, De-aged Damian, Dick takes tons of pictures, I love you's, Jason doesn't know what to do with babies, Jason's foul mouth, M/M, but not really, don't try to deny it, in the constipated batboy way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchingthestars13/pseuds/watchingthestars13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damian gets hit with a de-aging ray during patrol, and seeing as they're the only ones who don't have anything on their hands, Dick and Jason have to take care of him for an eventful day. They also figure a lot of unresolved shit out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dick And Jason's Crash Course In Parenting

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to throw this out here: I've done some research on the villain, hopefully enough so that you guys won't throw tomatoes at me in the end for my horrible performance. I also don't know shit about toddlers. Real sorry about that one.  
> I'm just a simple farmer trying to deal with my massive writers cramp through this little thing.  
> Sorry for any mistakes!  
> Enjoy <3

 

"Want anything from the kitchen, babe?" Jason called as he swayed into the kitchen, pulling his shirt on.

His hair was still wet from the shower, his skin still a little damp. They'd gotten back from patrol two hours ago, but they'd been... Preoccupied as soon as they'd stepped through the window. They usually were, to be really honest. Left over adrenaline turned into tongues fucking into mouths and groping hands, and Jason wouldn't change a thing about it. 

"Uh, yeah, could you grab me a soda, Jaybird?" Dick called back lazily. 

Their relationship was far from new by now, and had gotten a few bruises and bumps in the beginning, but after being solidly "together" for over nine months, they spent most of their nights and days together, and at Dick's place. Jason even had his own drawer of shit that he kept safe from the tornado/black hole that was Dick's apartment.

Jason wasn't scared of germs, seeing as his own apartment was a shithole, but Dick's place was always such a damn mess. Somehow, a hole in the wall felt a lot less horrible than stacks of dirty cereal bowls and clothes everywhere. Sometimes even mixed together. It was probably the spoiled little kid in him still thinking Al would sweep in and pick it up, which he actually did sometimes, with a tut of disapproval that always made Dick look a little sheepish.

Now though, now Jason was on Dick's ass about clearing the shit off the floor and cleaning the stain of pasta sauce up in the ceiling ( _"Seriously Dick, how did that even fucking get there?" "You honestly don't wanna know."_ ), and cleaning up after himself. Dick always called him cute when he got huffy about the dishes. It was so domestic and should feel so  _wrong_ , but it didn't. It really didn't.

Tonight's patrol had been easy, some measly thugs and a peep of Harley and her huge mallet. She wasn't someone to underestimate, but she'd gone back to Arkham pretty easily after Robin kicked her, impressively enough, in the face. Batman gave them one of his monotone speeches about how 'crime never sleeps' but that they could take off early, and Jason nodded enthusiastically before grappling away from him and his boring talk, shooting him the finger when he was out of batarang range.

He could practically hear Bruce making one of those annoyed growls and Dick soothing his ruffled feathers.

All in all, it was a normal night.

Dick had showered first after their sexcapade, whilst Jason had a smoke out on the fire escape, and now his lazy ass was lounging in the living room.

"You sure? No beer?" Jason asked, opening the fridge. They needed to go grocery shopping. Their fridge might as well be echoing, the only thing in there being beer, enough milk for one and a half bowls of cereal, and a six pack of that sugary soda Dick loved, as well as some odd looking chinese food containers.

"No thanks, I'm cutting back on beer for a while," he said from the living room. "Gotta keep my figure."

"By drinking pure sugar? Let's see how that works out for you. I'll have to buy a new tux for when you die of diabetes."

"Let's see who gets beer-belly first," Dick challenged. Jason groaned as he grabbed a beer for himself and a soda for Dick.

"God, not you too. Are you gonna start bugging me about my diet?"

"You do eat a lot of bacon," he pointed out with a small smirk.

"Can't a guy love bacon in peace? This is America. We'll wrap anything in bacon. Leave me and my bacon alone." 

"I can't promise that, I love your bacon," Dick said and slapped Jason's ass as he walked by. 

"You and your fucking puns," he chuckled, handing the diabetes in a can to Dick. The older boy wiggled his eyebrows with a seductive, but still goofy grin.

"You know it."

"You fuckin' nerd."

"You love me," Dick said with a loud smooch his way. Jason rolled his eyes, but his heart beat harder in his chest as he sat down next to the already slumped figure on the couch. Dick grabbed Jason's arm, and threw it over his shoulders, cuddling into the bigger man's side. 

Had it been anyone than Dick snuggling up to him, he would've immediately pushed them away, since it fucked with the bad-boy image he had going on, and, well, proximity wasn't really Jason's strong suit. It had taken him lots of encouraging from Dick to actually express more tender emotions than 'I need to fuck you asap'. He did have it in him, but locked down, deep, deep, deep down. Neither of them had ever said the three, very commiting, words, and Jason hadn't planned on saying them yet, but now Dick had gone-

The doorbell pinged.

 _Saved by the bell_  , he thought to himself, and hauled his ass off the couch. 

"I got it," he said, waving Dick down as he strode into the entrance hall.

He slid off the chain, unlocked their three locks, and opened the door, hand clenched and ready to punch in case it was someone who wasn't supposed to be there. As soon as he laid eyes on the person in the doorway, he backed up and unclenched his hand quickly.

In their doorway stood Alfred, holding a strangely folded navy blue blanket in one hand and with a black bag at his feet. 

"Master Jason," Alfred said, his voice and face the epitome of calm as the bundle of blankets in his arms just fucking _wiggled_. If that was a damn cat they'd rescued, Jason was going to flip shit. Though... Dick was probably the only one in Gotham that would rescue a cat, fall in love with it, and take it home. Except for Selina. And probably the hellspawn, seeing as Damian had tried to steal a few of Selina's cats to take back to the manor, but got two steps out of Selina's apartment, and was then recaptured, cats literally slipping out of the bag. 

Jason blinked at the strange sight. Sure, Al dropped by all the time, but at 3:30 am? Yeah, no, that didn't happen often. Something must be wrong.

"Um. Hi?" he said in reply. "Is everything... Okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"There has been a slight issue," Alfred said calmly. "May I come in?"

Still stunned, and focusing on the blankets wiggling, Jason let him in, calling out for Dick to get his ass into the hall before closing the door. Dick peeped around the corner, and raised an eyebrow.

"Hi Al. What's up?" he asked.

"It seems like, during patrol, Master Damian was hit with a supposed de-aging ray," he said lowly, and both Dick and Jason stared more intently at the wriggling blanket. 

_Wait..._

"By who?" Dick asked.

"A villain who goes by the name 'Clock King', originally William Tockman. Master Bruce is chasing him as we speak," Alfred said, his mouth a thin line of disapproval. "Miss Barbara is with him, thankfully, and Master Tim is on monitor duty, but would like to get back out as soon as possible. Seeing as you two young masters are unbothered, I presumed I could drop off Master Damian in your care."

" _That's_ Damian?" Jason exclaimed, and Alfred tugged at a fold, causing the whole ordeal to fall open, and reveal a scowl and a tuft of soft-looking, black hair. Blue eyes squinted at them, and Jason laughed. Damian's cheeks were rounder, and his nose a whole lot smaller, but he still looked like the Damian he knew and usually despised. "Oh my god. Please tell me we've taken pictures."

"Master Tim has seen to that," Alfred said, with a perfectly neutral face."If it wouldn't trouble you too much, care for him for a little while, as we sort this out."

"Need any help other than that?" Dick asked, reaching out for Damian like it was the easiest thing in the world. Ehh, who was Jason kidding, of course it was easy for Dick. He rescued cats and kissed babies and booked criminals like it was his job, which, being a police officer, it was.

"I believe we have everything under control otherwise, thank you, Master Dick," Alfred said, and Damian made those fussing noises small children made when he was situated in Dick's arms. Almost without noticing it, Dick swayed a little where he stood. 

"Alright," Jason said slowly, still staring at the tiny Damian. 

"You could always ring me, should complications occur," Alfred said calmly. 

"Right. We'll google stuff," Dick said, swaying Damian a little more. Alfred nodded.

"I shall see myself out. Good evening," Alfred said, and turned. 

"Bye, Al," Dick said, looking down at Damian in his little bundle of blankets as the door closed. "Alright. We can do this, right Jay?" 

"I really don't think so," Jason said, and Dick rolled his eyes.  

"You're supposed to say yes, Jay."

"It's the demon spawn! Only he's like, two!"

"One and a half, more like it," Dick said, uncurling Damian's arms from the blankets and getting the small toddler situated sitting up in his arms. "Hey Dami!" he cooed. "You still know who I am? I'm Dick. That's Jay."

"Jay," Damian repeated, his voice more high pitched as he squinted at Jason.

"Yeah! Good little Dami. You're gonna be staying with us now for a while. That okay with you?" Damian squinted more at Jason, and then stretched his arms out for him. 

"What's he doing?" Jason asked carefully. 

"I think he wants you to hold him," Dick smiled. 

"You're holding him already!"

"Are you scared to hold him?" Dick teased as he walked back into the living room.

"No!" Jason grunted.

Okay, yeah, maybe he wasn't all for babies. They were just... Freaky. He didn't really think they were cute, they were just screaming, shitting, and crying all the time. Damian seemed resonably calm, but come on, a toddler Damian was still  _Damian_ in a sense. Damian didn't act childish. 

" _Sure_ ," Dick said,smiling as he put Damian down on the couch. The little toddler was giving everything around him a look, grabbing the remote. Dick took it out of his hands without even looking. "I'm gonna go google some things we'll need to know, and you can keep track of Damian."

"Why can't we do it the other way around?"

"I don't think you'd know what to google," Dick said, leaning down to kiss Damian's little cheek. The boy seemed puzzled at the action, but didn't fuss about it, sitting patiently in the couch. 

"I'm not keeping track of him!" Jason called after Dick as he disappeared into the home office he had. 

"Just make sure he doesn't electrify himself or try to drink beer or something equally ridiculous."

"Dick!" Jason yelled, and he heard Dick laugh from the office. He sank down in the couch with a sigh, and watched as Damian sank back into the couch. He was in tiny people sweats and a baby grow or whatever the fuck they're called, and he looked about as happy to be here as Jason was.

"You know, if you wouldn't have showed up, I could've been sleeping right now. With Dick. I feel like you've wrecked my night a little."

Damian's head lolled a little to the side, and then he made noise that sounded hurt and whiny. 

"What?" Jason groaned at the little brat, who whined pitifully. "I know you talk. So talk. What do you want?"

Damian made another pitiful noise, and Jason scoffed as the little kid rubbed his eyes. "Sleepy? I miss the times where naps were something I could do. Did you even sleep for real as a kid? God, I bet you weren't allowed to whine like this with Talia around." Damian's lower lip trembled and his tiny chubby hands curled into fists. Jason laughed out loud. "Alright sleepyhead. Dick?" he called.

"What?" came the distracted voice of his lover. 

"Demon spawn is sleepy."

"Put him down for a nap then?" Dick suggested, and Jason stared down the hall where he was.

"Are you kidding me? He'll use my vulnerability and try to snap my neck!"

"He's like one and a half, Jay. He can't snap necks yet."

"How do you know?!"

"You were the one that told me that he started his training at four."

Jason groaned, and Damian made grabby hands towards him with a scowl on his face, softened by his baby cheeks.

"You're even cuter when you're smaller," Jason said, and if possible, the scowl became deeper, edging on a frown. "You don't like to be called cute? That's even _cuter_." Damian made a noise edging on a wail. "Sleeping. Right. Where the hell should you do that?"

He still wasn't very sure about how to hold babies or how to hold a demon baby, so he just kinda... Carefully grabbed Damian underneath his arms and hoisted. The kid was light and he nearly hoisted him up enough to slam his head into the lamp in the ceiling. When Damian was safely chest level and relatively steady on him, he laughed.

"Holy shit. Dick! I'm holding a baby!"

Dick peeked out of the office and his face softened. 

"You look so cute."

"No one will ever know about this," he said with a pointed glare at his lover, who only smiled and disappeared again. Jason walked over to his and Dick's bedroom with a slight bounce in his step like Dick had had before. It seemed like it calmed Damian, who let his head drop to Jason's firm chest as he walked.

"I like you better when you don't talk," Jason decided.

"Put him in his jammies! Al probably packed them in the diaper bag!" Dick called suddenly.

"I cannot believe you just said 'jammies' and that I'm actually listening to you," Jason concluded as he took a detour through the kitchen to grab the black bag on the floor. "Everything Bruce has ever worn is black, isn't it, lil Dami?" he muttered as he hoisted it over his shoulder.

Jason moved into their bedroom and put Damian down on the bed. He was dozing, his little chest moving up and down slowly. The kid was in one of those diapers for nights, and Jason had a sudden vision of Bruce trying to calm a squirming Damian enough to put a diaper on him. He had to bite the back of his hand to stifle the laughter.

After he calmed down, he got the tiny pants off Damian's chubby legs, and his tiny shirt. Those were all black too, but when Jason managed to wrangle something out of the black bag that felt like clothing, he actually chuckled.

There was a body that was the bright yellow, green, and red. It was stupid merch from a stupid shop, and Barbara had probably bought it as a joke, but it was still Bruce who had accepted the gift and not immediately torched it.

"B is so sentimental," he told the nearly sleeping Damian. He carefully maneuvered the baby grow over the tiny body and placed him in the center of the bed, laying the blanket that Alfred had brought him here in, over his legs and waist. That still didn't feel safe.

Jason grabbed the horribly ugly pillows from the living room and stacked them around the little kid like a pillow fortress, staring proudly at his handy work.

"'S easy. This is so easy. Why is it so easy? I thought it was hard having kids."

He grabbed the black bag again, and made his way into the home office, dumping the bag on the table in there next to Dick. He had a notepad out, and was scribbling things down quickly on it as his blue eyes skimmed the screen. Jason decided to investigate what was in the bag.

Turns out there was a pack of diapers, a bib, wipes, some colorful toys, a small box of things that looked suspiciously like they were his, some more clothes, a small blanket and a teddy bear, and some other stuff Jason didn't even know the name of.

"Is this drugs?" Jason asked incredulously as he grabbed a container with white powder in it and stared at it. Dick snorted.

"A drug lord doesn't know what actually is drugs and what isn't? That's a little concerning, don't you think?" Dick asked teasingly, and Jason rolled his eyes. 

"I was kidding."

"Yeah yeah. Gimme." Jason tossed it to him, and Dick snorted again. "It's not drugs. It's formula."

"Sounds ominous."

"You mix it with water and heat it up, dumbass," Dick smiled. "I think Damian's too old for formula though. Are there any cans in there?"

"Uuuh, there's some nasty lookin' goop in glass jars."

"What colors?"

"Green, orange, yellow-ish, aaaand. I don't even know what to call that."

"That's baby food. We could probably give him some tiny bits of grown up food, too. We should've asked Alfred if he knew what actual age Damian is," Dick said, his lips pouting in thought. He tapped the pencil to his forehead, and Jason shrugged.

"Call 'im."

"No, it's so late. We should leave him to worry about the others. Damian won't be hungry for another few hours," Dick shrugged. "I'm beat. Wanna go to sleep?"

"Hell yeah," Jason groaned as Dick shut off the computer, grabbing the bag. 

Together, they walked into the bedroom, and was met with a minor chaos-y situation. The pillows were scattered over the bed, Jason's awesome pillow fort utterly destroyed, and Damian was crying quietly on the bed, hiding under a hideous pillow that Dick had picked out. He was super awake, and apparently super scared.

"Dami?" Dick said softly, and Damian scramled to hide under the pillows, his hitching breaths becoming more apparent. "It's okay. You're okay." Dick sat down slowly on the bed as Jason stayed standing in the doorway, unsure of what to do. Damian remained sobbing as Dick pulled the pillow away, suddenly releasing a high pitched wail of pure agony. 

Dick hushed him gently as he pulled the small Damian in for a hug, cradling him to his chest as the small demon spawn hyperventilated and silent tears fell from his eyes. How Damian had learned to remain so silent as he cried, even at this young age, made Jason's gut twist with anger. Sure, the kid could fuck off any other day, but right now he was so small and _crying_ , and Jason usually didn't have to deal with that kind of shit when it came to Damian.

"I got you, you're fine," Dick comforted quietly, holding Damian tightly to his chest as Damian grabbed ahold of Dick's hair with chubby, short fingers, his sobbing quieting down a little in the safe haven of his brother's arms. "What's the matter, huh? Got lonely?" he asked, stroking Damian's hair gently.  

Damian sniffed a little, and then nodded, a small movement that Jason would've missed if he hadn't been staring so intently. Damian without his proud nature and scolding looks just seemed... Unnatural. Not that he didn't hate the kid for all of it, but this, this was just... Horrible.

"You could've called for me and Jay. We're gonna keep you safe," Dick promised. "We were just gonna sleep. Want to stay in bed with us?" Damian nodded again, this time more like a normal person and not a scared toddler. He turned his red rimmed eyes on Jason, and stretched his arms out toward him.

"Jay," Damian said, a demand more than a plead, like he'd just established his ground and was now their ruler.

"Dick has a good hold on you," Jason pointed out. Damian's lower lip trembled, and he looked ready to cry again, which Jason really didn't want to see again, so he groaned and Dick handed over the toddler. "You suck," he told Damian as he more or less threw him over his shoulder.

Dick muffled his laugh at Damian's victorious grin that he hid from Jason by sticking his chin into Jason's shoulderblade.

"Alright, teeth, we gotta brush our teeth," Jason said, more to himself than either of them, and walked into their bathroom.

Getting Damian to stay still as he and Dick brushed their teeth turned out to be a challenge. Either he was impatient, or he'd already been a little shit at two, but he kept wriggling around, and Jason nearly dropped him twice.

"Cam the fugh down," Jason said, his voice garbled by the toothbrush, as Damian tried to squirm around in his grip. "You chow what, I'm done with your shid. I'm just gonna put you down." Damian apparently didn't get what he said until Jason actually put him on his two tiny feet. Damian stared up at him.

"Jay," the toddler urged, and stretched his arms up. Jason spat in the sink. 

"No, you keep pulling that shit, you stay on the floor!"

"Jay," Damian urged, sounding more whiny now.

"Stop doing that voice! I'm not going to give just because you're- oh for fucks sake." Jason rubbed at his temples and glared at Dick as Damian made another demanding noise. Dick was just enjoying the show, looking on with an amused raise of the eyebrows, and his toothbrush in his mouth. "You're the paternal one! Pick him the fuck up!" Dick spat into the sink.

"He's not calling for me, is he?" his lover asked innocently, because Dick is a _traitor_ , and Jason flashed his teeth at him in a snarl. Dick rolled his eyes and bent down, and even though Damian fussed, he then turned quiet and glared at Jason. Jason glared back. "Stop having a staring contest with a two year old, Jason."

"He's evil!"

"Damian is not evil," Dick chided, and began bouncing him a little, getting the toddler to petulantly turn his head away from Jason and lean over Dick's shoulder. "He's just... Damian. Just like you aren't evil. You're just you."

Low blow, Jason thought, but only turned away to finish brushing his teeth, much more aggressively now.  

When Dick was done, he walked out with Damian still in his grip, his safe, strong grip, and Jason found himself staring at Dick's hands. People admired a lot of things about Dick, namely his ass, and as much as Jason loves Dick's ass, his hands are something divine. Calloused and with small scars on them, and firm. Gorgeous, really. Cradling the small head that was Damian's, they looked softer, gentle, equally wonderful. He threw Damian onto the bed, not like he would've if Damian was still ten, and Damian bounced a little on the matress before getting this really confused look. 

_This isn't where I usually sleep?_

He looked a little lost, and then he looked at Jason, and stopped holding onto the covers, just sitting there with his hands by his feet as Dick crawled into the bed, shedding a layer of clothes as he went. 

"You getting in here?" Dick asked as he reached for the black bag on the floor, rifling through it. Damian was sitting up, glaring daggers at Jason as if he wasn't, like, two foot tall and could at least try to kick Jason's ass.

"Yeah yeah," he muttered, and pulled his shirt over his head, struggling out of his sweat pants. He grabbed a pair of boxers from the clean laundry pile by the door that Dick hadn't gotten around to putting into his closet, the messy jerk. Jason slipped into the bed, just as Dick found what he was looking for, and pulled his upper body off the floor to pop a green pacifier into Damian's mouth. "Oh my fucking god. Dick, gimme your phone. Right now!"

Jason had just enough time to film Damian nearly going cross-eyed to look at the thing in his mouth, and then he gave it an experimental suck, making it bob just a little. Dick was biting his knuckles not to squeal over his cuteness. Jason whispered "oh my fucking god" under his breath over and over again as Damian decided that the pacifier was adequate and kept suckling on it. His hair was the baby kind of fuzzy and all over the place, he was in a Robin costume baby grow, and had a pacifier in his mouth. Even Jason could admit he looked cute as hell.

"He's so cute," Dick whispered to Jason, who just started to laugh. Damian noticed the phone in Jason's hands, scowling at it, and it was still visible, even with the pacifier, and _oh my god._

"Fuckin' adorable. How does this kid fight criminals? Don't they just stop and _coo_?"

Damian made a motion to grab the phone, but Jason batted his small hands away, and sent the video to Timbo, hoping that he'd help him turn it into blackmail material later on when the demon spawn was back to normal.

"Plug it in and go to sleep," Dick said, and Jason smirked suggestively. "Ugh, the _phone,_ you pervert, Damian is in the bed."

Wasn't _that_ a mood killer.

Jason obeyed and turned the light off, and fell down onto the matress, pushing Damian down onto his back with a light 'poof' when his head found the pillow. Jason blindly groped around for Dick's hand under the covers, and then found that it was resting on Damian's back, where the little cuddle bug had curled up to Dick. Fucking great. So now Jason was going to have to not touch Dick at all during the night, or he'd risk getting his eyes clawed out.

"Jaybird?" came Dick's quiet voice from the other side of the bed, and Jason grunted instead of speaking up. Laying down on the soft memory foam matress had made him feel heavy and in desperate need of sleep. Dick's knee nudged his, and he let Dick reel him in, sliding said knee between his thighs and reaching a hand out to brush a hand through his hair. Jason sighed and leaned into the familiar touch and was soon asleep, with Dick's fingers still loosely curled in the hairs at the nape of his neck.

\---  

 He woke up to small hands on his face. Jason gripped the knife underneath his pillow before he opened his eyes, and took in a baby staring at him. Thoughtfully sucking on a pacifier and looking like he was contemplating murder. Murder babies is the creepiest shit ever, so Jason closed his eyes again.

"Aren't you just fucking adorable in the mornings?" he muttered, and felt a small hand being placed on his face again. He cracked one eye open. "Dick?"

He heard Dick's light breathing on the other side of the bed, and realized he was still asleep. Internally, Jason groaned loudly. He might have groaned out loud too, because Damian's eyes narrowed a little. Which is just. Baby faces shouldn't be able to _do_ that. Damian's hand was still on his face, his small hand not even covering half of Jason's cheek, though, and creepily close to his eyes. Twisting away from the small hand, Jason turned around to check the time.

It was only 8:26 am, but Jason was relatively well rested. It wasn't like he got that much sleep without either being crushed by Dick's weight or crushing Dick with his weight, they slept really weirdly, but Jason could go on four hours of sleep easily, running instead on coffee.

Damian didn't look tired at all, not ready to sleep a minute longer but knowing better than to make a fuss. Which kind of made Jason feel a little bad, because he didn't even look like he was _two_. What the hell had they done in the league to get him to stay this quiet? He was smart, yeah, because Talia was beautiful and smart and decieving and Bruce was freakily smart, and he'd probably caught on to shit pretty quickly, but he was just a damn  _kid_. The league was brutal, and with baby Damian, why wouldn't they be the same?

He remembers Talia slipping small doses of poison into his own food until he caught onto it. She told him it was to make him resistant to them, if he'd ever get poisoned again, but in higher doses. Jason wondered when that had started for Damian. Was he expecting them, two strangers, to poison him? 'Cause that was just fucking devastating. Jason liked Damian better when he was being a brat, he decided, as something uncomfortable curled in his stomach. 

"Stop touchin' my face," Jason said with narrowed eyes, and Damian's eyes narrowed further as his other hand came down on Jason's forehead. "You're so annoying. I don't like you."

Something muffled came out from behind Damian's pacifier, and it sounded like a word, an actual word that wasn't 'Jay'. It might have been 'likewise', actually, and the thought made Jason have to muffle his chuckle into his pillow to not wake Dick up. 

"Alright, brat, we're getting up," Jason muttered, and rolled out of bed to put on the sweats he'd worn the day before, and then he grabbed Damian and put him down on the floor. He reached a hand up, saying a muffled 'Jay'. "You want me to hold your hand? Christ. I hope you remember this when you get back to normal. You're gonna die of embarrassment. I'm gonna have Timbo take tons of pictures and frame them."

And even though he teased, he reached down and let Damian grip one of his fingers. He's a jackass, but kids don't deserve that shit, alright? There's a reason he doesn't let his dealers hit kids up.

Damian toddled along with him into the kitchen, his walk steady and his back already a little straighter than it probably should be. Jason may have had his days of liking Talia, and he still occasionally did, but she wasn't mother of the year material, so far from it.   

They didn't have any chair high enough for Damian to actually reach the table, so Jason just put the kid on his shoulders, because where else was he supposed to put him? As long as Damian was relatively out of the way and not about to die, he was pulling off the whole babysitting thing. He brewed himself some coffee as Damian inspected Jason's white lock of hair very intently, and made toast before he stole the bag out of the bedroom and found the toys he'd seen yesterday in it, as well as the weird baby-goop-food stuff.

He put Damian down on the floor, and placed the toys in front of him. Damian's hands immediately went out for the toys to investigate. Yeah, _investigate_ , but not play, unless play counted as touching them and then throwing them away. 

"The fuck're you doing?" Jason asked, confused as hell as he caught one of the toys Damian threw. "You play with things. You're a baby. Please tell me you know how to play with things." Damian stilled as he got to the teddy bear, and he stared at it, almost wistfully. Jason ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and then pushed the teddy into Damian's lap. " _Play_ with that, and I'll be back in a sec."

As Jason flipped through the notes Dick had taken during his googling, he distantly skimmed over the contents of the bag again. Damian threw something at his leg.

"Stop that," Jason said with a blank look at Damian. Damian petulantly threw another toy at his leg. "I'll take the shit away again. Don't try me." It was still a little unclear if Damian actually understood them, seeing as he was raised in the Leauge, where Jason knew they didn't teach English. Maybe Talia had insisted that his first word be English? Or maybe Damian was identifying Jason as the authority to assert his dominance over, and decided not to bless him with words.  

Jason faltered. He had to throw Damian off the whole dominance thing so that he didn't get himself killed and so he stayed pliant. Another thing hit his leg, and he grit his teeth against the initial need to snap, and instead crouched down in front of Damian's stupid baby face. His nose was up in the air, looking all high and mighty, and had Damian been his usual age, Jason would've been annoyed. Now it just made him a little sad. 

"Alright, you know what we're gonna do? You're gonna wake Dick up, and I'm going to bring out his gross cereal, and you're going to stop being a little shit," he said, grabbing Damian and hoisting him up into his arms. He was still a little amazed that Damian was so light and small and fragile, but he'd managed to get the whole 'carrying' thing down pat.

He put Damian down next to Dick's face, and walked back out again, hearing Dick's laugh coming out of the bedroom a few minutes later. Apparently, they were running out of cereal too, as well as bread and anything that might be concidered breakfast. He struck gold when he pulled out some frozen Eggo waffles, and popped them in the toaster just in time for Dick to come into the kitchen with Damian in his arms. 

"I'm pretty sure you don't have to actually carry him 'round all the time," Jason pointed out, swallowing down a sudden flood of emotions as Dick made a face at Damian. His hair was sleep-messy, and he was in one of Jason's shirts, and Batman boxers, because Dick was a jackass who loved to tick Jason off. Some sunlight streamed through the curtains, and hit his strong thighs, showing off the fine hair on them. Jason took another swallow of coffee, hoping that the bitter taste would wash away the words on his tongue. Dick smiled that beautiful smile that made the sun seem like a shitty lightbulb in comparison.

"I know. I just want to. He's just that cute."

"Evil," Jason corrected, and Dick rolled his eyes. 

"Seems you two get along better now. What's that about?" Dick asked as he swept by, kissing him on the lips and stealing his coffee as he did so. Jason would've bitched about it, but Dick had Damian on his hip and looked so at ease. Jason had fucked enough good things up. 

"Any news from the batclan?" he fired back instead, and went to grab another cup of coffee, only swatting Dick's ass as punishment. 

"Actually yeah, they've determined that Damian is one year and seven months, and that Tockman is sadly enough pretty good at hiding. But they found the shattered remains of the gun that got him this small in the first place."

"They're still out?" Jason asked with a raised eyebrow, and Dick shook his head.

"Nope. Bruce is being obsessive and putting it back together, Babs texted just before she crashed, and Tim is hopefully asleep."

"Eh, I wouldn't keep my hopes up about Timbo if I were you," Jason said with a click of his tongue. 

"It's really hard to get him to try and sleep at least half-normally. He's very Bruce-like when it comes to that."

"'S not like you haven't pulled complete all-nighters before."

"Obviously I have, but Tim is overworking himself. He's just a kid," Dick said, snatching both waffles out of the toaster. Jason gave him the stink eye. "One is for Damian. I promise."

"Which one of us was the thief once upon a time again?" Jason asked, dramatically stroking his non-existant beard as Dick laughed. He grabbed the stepping stool from the bathroom and tied it to a chair, still with Damian on him, and then put Damian down on the newly-made high chair.

"Resourceful," Jason said as Dick broke off a tiny piece of the waffle and handed it to Damian. Damian took it, and stared at it as Jason slid up behind Dick, sliding his hands around his ribcage and squeezing himself closer. His nose ended up behind Dick's ear, the fine ashen hair tickling Jason's cheek. Beautiful, so beautiful, how could one person be this good? Dick is a fuck up, but he's a beauitiful fuck up, probably the one really good thing in Jason's life.

Jason bit Dick's neck gently to stop himself from saying anything.

"I'm pretty resourceful," Dick agreed, his hand curling on top of one of Jason's. He made a motion with the other one, motioning for his mouth as he nodded at Damian. The toddler narrowed his eyes. "It's safe, little Dami. See?" He popped a piece of the waffle in his own mouth. Damian still looked very sceptical when Dick patted Jason's hip. "You have to eat a piece of the waffle."

"Wha-" His mouth was suddenly full of cinnamon and sugar waffle, and he chewed before swallowing and giving Dick a weird look. "If anyone needs a waffle, it's you. You're skin and bones."

"And muscle," Dick reminded him, popping Damian's pacifier out of his mouth and sliding out of Jason's grip at the same time. "And we can't all be brick walls of solid muscle. I'm just more lithe in my build."

"Very bendable muscle," Jason smirked as Dick sat down on the other side of Damian, encouraging him to actually eat the waffle piece. This time, Damian didn't even protest. He just ate it, and then held his hand out for the next piece.  Dick wiggled his eyebrows at Jason.

"You would know."

Jason grabbed his own plate of Eggos, and sat down by the table, side-eyeing Damian who was staring at him as he chewed.

"Why'd you think me eating a waffle would make Damian eat it?" Jason asked, even though he had his suspicions.

"He trusts you," Dick said simply. "He thinks what you do is safe. Usually toddlers have favorite parents momentarily, but I'm not sure we can apply that to Damian's... Learning curve. Not quite. I think he just went with you because you look scarier and the people he knows to be safe, are scary."

"Aw, you think I look scary? You're so sweet."

"I didn't mean it like that," Dick said softly, recognizing the words for what they really were, and giving Jason a sad look. "I mean that Damian grew up around people who didn't pick him up all the time or kiss his cheek or give him pacifiers. Look at him." Warily, Jason did, noticing Damian's gaze on him again, but not all there at the moment, just chewing his waffle and staring at a spot on Jason's forehead. "He gets the love you give him. He understands that one. A little tough love. I'm not saying you're as shitty as the people who raised him are, I'm saying that you treat him more like he's at home than I do."

Jason clenched one of his hands into a fist under the table.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" he asked, redirecting the issue bluntly.

"I called in. Said a family issue had come up," Dick said, still that sad look on his face as he looked over at Damian, running a hand through the toddler's hair affectionately. 

"Since you're free, you can take the demon spawn with you and go shopping. We're out of food. And when I say food, I mean the actual essential stuff, not the sugary shit you keep around here," Jason said in an attempt at redirecting,  _yet again_. Look at him go, just steering out of that conversation smoothly. 

Dick's blue eyes snapped up and narrowed in a way that was more Nightwing than easy-going Dick Grayson. It was the look he gave criminals before forcing them to the ground. It was a hot look, and Jason felt a tiny shiver going through his body at the stare.

"'The sugary shit'? What do you have in your apartment? Old food that's gone bad, that's what, and bad booze, and probably dead rats."

"At least my place is organized enough that I notice when there's a dead rat lying around." It's an old argument, one they've had so many times that now it's just ribbing, something he can say that will get Dick to roll his eyes, and something for Dick to bring up whenever Jason is having one of his rants about keeping stuff in order as he stomps around Dick's apartment throwing dirty laundry where it's supposed to be and putting stuff away.

"Well, not when I'm there," he said with a smirk.

"When you're there, I don't really notice," Jason said, his tone dropping an octave as he leaned forward a little, bracing his elbows on the table. He watched Dick's body responding, his fingers restlessly playing with the cup, his legs spreading a little unconsciously. 

They were abruptly brought out of their moment when Damian made a noise. He looked a little uncomfortable, shifting on his chair.

"Toilet," he said, his voice still that high pitched demand and with an accent this time, look at that. Jason blinked.

"You need to take a piss, kid?" Damian scowled. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Dick said, meeting Jason's eyes. He quirked an eyebrow at him, and Jason's eyes widened

"Hey, fuck no, I put him to bed, you go deal with that," Jason said. Dick glared at him a little, but sighed and hoisted Damian off the chair, and onto the ground. 

"Come on, Dami, let's go," he said, and herded him to the bathroom.

When Jason was done with his coffee and his Eggos, he went through what they needed to get. In the end he just wrote down 'everything' on a piece of paper and put it on the counter. Seriously, had his life been a cartoon, he would've yelled 'hello' into one of the cupboards and heard his voice echo. 

Dick returned in jeans and a t-shirt with a faded logo, and with Damian tottering about in front of him, dressed in a pair of socks with ducks on them, a blue shirt instead, and those fake baby jeans. 

"If he'd been ten, he would've hated you for ever puttin' on him. You probably wouldn't even be able to get him to wear anything remotely like that. He would punch your lights out as you suggested it."

"It's so cute!" Dick exclaimed. "Look at him, Jay! He's so cute!"

Jason laughed and shook his head. 

"Yeah, alright. You guys get going," he said with a wave, thrusting the piece of paper at Dick. Damian looked confused, and Dick raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

"You're coming with us."

"Hah. No."

"He likes you better than he likes me," Dick pointed out. "If you want to explain to B that the reason we lost his youngest child is because you refused to go shopping with us, be my guest. Stay home."

Home. Stay home. Did that mean Dick wanted him to live here? Because, alright, Jason doesn't live in Denial-town anymore, he practically already lived at Dick's place, picking up milk when Dick told him to on the way home and doing his laundry here whenever he didn't want to drag his ass back to his place just for that. The drawer he had, the fact that he had at least three pairs of shoes out of the five he owned at Dick's place. He practically lived here already.  

A small hand on his bare knee ripped him out of his thoughts, and Jason looked down to see Damian wearing his demanding toddler face.

"Jay," he said, sounding very stern.

"Is that all you know how to fucking say?"

"He calls me 'Didi', if it makes you feel any better," Dick said with a small smile and crossed his arms over his chest. "So. You coming?"

Jason glared down at Damian, who glared back, a defiant pout on his lips.

"You little shit," Jason declared and lifted Damian up on the counter so he'd stop touching his damn knee. Damian seemed to know he'd won, because he had a smirk on his tiny lips and he looked damn proud of himself. Dick grinned at him and said innocently

"Shower and then you'll meet us by the car?"

Jason grabbed Dick's jaw and pulled him in for a brutal kiss that had Dick grasping his shoulders with a whimper.

"Sure thing, Dickiebird," he murmured and took in Dick's debauched look before he slipped away to take a shower.

That had always been their deal, he mused as he got into the shower. They teased and caught each other off guard and had amazing sex and they fought. They fought a lot, probably mostly because this was important to both of them, this thing they had. It wasn't like they called each other boyfriends or lovers, unless they wanted to gross their siblings out, because the words just didn't fit. Partner was too stinging of a word on Jason's part, and because of that, they were just Dick and Jason, practically living together and doing their weird, seemingly-romance-relationship thing that nobody really got.

To be honest, Jason rarely got it either.

After his shower, he pulled on some jeans, an old t-shirt and his leather jacket, found some cash in his pocket with a happy hum, and walked down to their car.

It was one of those flashy ones that Bruce had, one that Jason had taken, out of spite, from him. There was no doubt that Bruce knew it was missing and who took it, Batman wasn't called the best detective in the world for nothing, but he hadn't said anything. Dick, however, had yelled at him about it until the heat in Dick's car gave up in the middle of the winter. After that, he didn't complain about Jason's car.

Jason sprinted down the stairs, to the ground floor of Dick's apartment building, giving Clancy, the tenant, a smile. She gave him one of those lazy smiles of hers back and he slowed down to a walk. He kind of liked Clancy, she was a nice, Irish girl who liked to joke around, and had taken a liking to him quick enough, once introduced. 

"Sleep tight, Jase?" she asked with that lilt of hers.

"Like a baby," he assured her, and winked at her. She snorted, and he waved before walking out on the curb.

It was early summer in Gotham, but that didn't really make the dark clouds lessen. It wasn't much brighter but it was slightly warmer at least, and he probably could've done without the leather jacket, except he knew that every grocery store in Gotham liked to pretend it was hundred-four degrees outside when it was really only in the sixties, and blasted the airconditioning on high.  

He sauntered over to the car where Dick was standing, Damian in a small person sweater, with his thinking face on.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"We don't have a carseat," Dick said. Jason shrugged.

"So? Just have him in your lap. It'll be fine," he said dismissively, and Dick gave him a strange look.

"He's a baby. If we hit something, he'll go careening out the window like a launched missile."

"You doubt my ability to drive? I'm wounded," Jason said, holding out his hand for Dick to toss him the keys.

"Jason," Dick said, and he was using that pleading tone and those big blue eyes were looking at him. Ah fuck.

"I'll be careful. Promise," Jason said seriously, and Dick nodded before tossing him the keys.

The drive to the store took seven minutes, and Jason knows that, because after one minute in the car, Damian was  _everywhere_. It was like he had waited, hid his hyperactivity until it was the right time, aka the  _worst_ time. He moved quick as a bug and was suddenly out of Dick's lap and crawling over Jason somewhere. Jason's grip on the steering wheel tightened.

"Dick!" Jason yelled, and Dick said loudly "I know, I know, I'm on it!" as he reached back to grab Damian from where he was currently trying to crawl into the trunk. Maybe he was making his escape, whatever the fuck the demon spawn was doing, Dick hissed sharply with a look of panic as he unbuckled himself and crawled back after him. 

It was like Damian was trying to fight them, because apparently Dick got a small foot shoved into his face, Jason could hear his quiet 'oopmf' and stared in the rear view mirror.

"You good?" he asked. 

"Uh," Dick said, and the next six minutes was just Dick telling Damian off on doing that and then Damian trying to make his escape again. 

When they finally arrived at the store, Jason was a little on edge, because kids were exhausting and Damian was a brat who apparently decided that everything is horrible and against him.

Dick got out of the backseat with a sour-looking Damian on his hip, and Jason scowled at him.

"He's practically a baby, Jason," Dick reminded him. "I'm actually surprised we haven't seen him act like this before."

"He's figured out that we won't slap him if he pulls something," Jason growled, and reached out to take Damian from Dick. Dick looked a little aghast.

"You're not gonna..." Jason blinked, and recoiled.

"Fuck no! God, why- I hate him, but I don't hate _little him_ ," Jason gasped, and Dick looked uneasy. 

"I believe you, it was just- the way you said it, it sounded-"

"No." Jason's voice was firm, and Dick nodded, handing the mopey Damian over to him.

Jason's gut was churning with anger by the time they entered, and from what Tim had said, Jason had a way of making storm clouds appear over his head. That was probably what he looked like now, because a woman who was walking by glanced at them, and then turned her cart to swerve into one of the aisles. 

They grabbed a shopping cart and Damian was put into the little seat so that he could scowl at Dick when he drove the cart. 

They skimmed through the aisles, a heavy silence settling between them, only broken by the occasional "do we really need that" and an "obviously" back. It was all going okay, well the most okay it could've gone with the both of them doing their detatching moves, the thing that always kept happening after fights that weren't really fights, fights without screaming and where no one really won.

Until Damian happened. Again.

Jason had stopped the cart by the cereal department, close to the shelf on the left side as Dick prowled the right side for his favorite cereal. Damian had been unimpressed at the things he was allowed to hold, and was currently tugging on Jason's sleeve. Jason groaned, and turned to look at him.

"What do you want now?" he sighed. Damian pointed to the cereal by Jason's elbow, a Count Chocula box. Jason raised an eyebrow. "Sorry kiddo. You're not sticking around long enough to eat all that cereal." Damian whined. "I said no, don't be like that," Jason said tiredly. 

Damian pouted, and Jason sighed but looked down the aisle to see Dick grabbing three cartons of cereal and bringing them over. He dumped them in the cart unceremoniously, and Jason was just about to push the cart forward, when Damian snatched the Count Chocula from the shelf quickly.

The dam holding back Jason's anger cracked a little bit. 

"I said you can't have it!" he snapped, and put the box back in it's right place with a bang, his anger suddenly tasting like copper on his tongue. Damian's eyes widened for a second in fear, and then lower lip trembled, and his eyes looked like they were on the edge of welling up, and Jason panicked.

"No no no no, Damian, don't cry, Jesus," he said quickly, and Dick looked equally panicked as they looked eyes, at a loss for what to do. Jason thought on his feet, and grabbed the celery in the wagon. "Dick has celery ears. Look! Don't cry. Seriously. No. Stop."

Dick burst out laughing, and it the sound of it was fucking angelic, the tension between them dissipating as Jason started laughing with him, and Damian looked confused, the tears receding as quickly as they'd come.

"Celery ears?" Dick grinned as he got his breath back, and Jason motioned toward Damian with said celery.

"It worked, didn't it?"

Dick shook his head fondly and grabbed Jason by the back of the neck, pulling him into a kiss right there, smack in the middle of the cereal aisle, and Jason suddenly didn't give a damn about people crossing the street when they saw him coming, because Dick wouldn't do that, Dick didn't care that he got riled up all the time, he got just as riled up as him. Even though people called them polar opposites, he and Dick both knew that was wrong, and they continued to prove it every day by being together. 

"I'm sorry," Dick said softly when they broke apart, and leaned his forehead against Jason's.

"Yeah, me too," Jason said back. "How about we grab some more waffles and high-tail it back to..." He was just about to say 'your place', but changed his mind. "Home. Let's go home."

Dick smiled at him, and let him go. 

"Let's." 

Damian wasn't throwing anymore hissyfits about cereal, thank god, and he was now muted enough to allow himself to be taken out of the sweater and have a pacifier stuffed into his mouth. He was blissfully quiet as they rolled up to the check out, and was patiently only kicking his legs as they waited in line. 

"Photo op!" Dick declared suddenly, and both Jason and Damian looked up at him, both frowning and looking generally disinterested in having a photo taken, when he took a picture. 

"Let me see that, you fuckface," Jason said immediately, and swiped Dick's phone. He saw the picture and said, almost distantly: "Do I really look like that? That is so not my angle."

"You look great, shut up," Dick smiled and made the picture his lockscreen. 

"Demon spawn is going to break your phone when he's back at full power," Jason pointed out, and Dick shrugged.

"I'm willing to take my chances."

When they finally got to throw all their shit up on the conveyor belt, Dick smiled at the cashier. She smiled back.

"Hello sir, how are you today," she said kindly. 

"I'm good, thank you, how are you?" Dick said, sounding genuinely interested. 

"I'm fine, thank you," she said. Damian suddenly made a noise through his pacifier, and pointed to a lollipop by the side. 

"Want this?" Dick asked, and Damian nodded. Dick shrugged and threw it on the conveyor belt. Jason bit back a retort. He wasn't about to fight Dick about his sugar intake around strangers. 

"Oh, what a cutie!" the cashier lady said, her eyes zeroing in on baby Damian like a hunter finding prey. Jason had always found that old ladies tended to like babies, but he'd never had a baby around old ladies to test his theory. The way she stared at Damian it looked like she either wanted to snatch him out of the cart and run or light him on fire. It was unsettling as hell. "How old?"

"One year and seven months," Dick said proudly. Damian's eyes targeted a gross sticker on the counter, old but still a little shiny, and reached for it it, trying to peel it off.

"Ew, no, Damian, stop it," Jason muttered and batted his hands away. What was Dick even  _doing?_

"Oh, it's Damian? That's a beautiful name," the cashier remarked. She was good at her job, swiping items between looking at Dick and Damian. She must've worked here for a while, and recognized Jason for what he was: nothing but trouble. But everybody liked Dick, you had to be crazy to think otherwise, and everybody thought Jason was bad news. That wasn't anything new. He wouldn't have expected her to look at him unless he had a gun and was trying to rob her.

"Oh, thank you! We hadn't really thought out a name before he came into the world and all, so we had to rush to find one in the end, but it is a nice name," he said with a shrug. The cashier laughed politely.

"How long have you had him?" she asked, and Jason was just about to explain the situation when Dick smiled sweetly.

"Since he was born. We had a surrogate," he explained, and Jason felt his heart stop for a second. He was insinuating that Damian was their- Was their-

"Oh! My daughter is actually eight months pregnant," she said as she grabbed the apples.

"Oh really? Is she excited?"

"Very," the cashier said. Dick flashed his particular making-ladies-swoon-smile, and Damian huffed. Dick tossed him the lollipop. Well, two could play at this quite frankly horrifying game.

"You need to stop trying to poison our child with your love for sugar," Jason said, and took it from him, getting a look from Damian that was part scared, part apprehensive. Right. Shit, the kid relied on him to make sure everything was safe. He must've seen the grabbing as a rescue and not a reprimand. Jason quickly unwrapped the lollipop and stuffed it in his own mouth.

"You need to stop stealing candy from children," Dick remarked with a glint in his eye.

"Oh, ha ha," Jason said sarcastically, watching Damian watch him suck on the lollipop, and then he relaxed a little. Jason offered him a lick. 

"You love me," Dick said sweetly as he paid, using one of Bruce's black cards. It wasn't that Jason didn't have one, one of the first steps Bruce took when Jason was more or less accepted back into the outskirts of the family, he did have one, he just didn't use it as frequently as Dick did. He didn't use it at all, actually. He doesn't need Bruce's money.  

"You know it," Jason said without thinking, and didn't even notice Dick looking at him in disbelief until they had gotten their stuff into the cart and was wheeling away from the cashier. The cashier waved, and Dick picked Damian's hand up to wave back, and the toddler scowled at him in return. That's when Jason noticed Dick smiling at him. 

"The fuck're you smiling at?" he asked, and Dick just put his hand over Jason's where it rested on the cart. 

"You," Dick said softly. 

"I'd forgotten that you're such a fucking girl sometimes," Jason said, the sudden nerves hitting him with such force of a punch to the gut, and Dick shrugged.

"You love it," he said, as if challenging Jason to say it again, and his eyes glowed as he fuckin'  _skipped_ over the parking lot. Jason rolled his eyes, but relented.

"You know it," he said, and the words felt less hard to get out than before. They didn't get stuck in his throat like hooks, only rolled off his tongue with the tiniest hitch, and it felt maybe a little freeing. More horrifying, actually, and Jason had felt horrified in his life. He had, many times, in that damn coffin, seeing one of the thugs around Gotham with a crowbar, and when he realized that maybe Dick wanted him to stay the night and not just slip out on the fire escape with the excuse of having a smoke. This was a brand new kind of horrifying. 

Dick beamed at him, and swooped him into a hot kiss that probably would've been R rated if they'd been in a movie.

When they got back into the car, Damian let himself be settled underneath the seat belt with Dick, and more or less snoozed all the way back to Dick's apartment ( _their apartment_ , who was Jason trying to fool), which was a huge relief. The parent life didn't seem very appealing to Jason at the moment, but when he looked over at Dick kissing Damian's knuckles that were usually used to bruise people, he couldn't help but feel like maybe he could.

Like, a thirteen year old kid. Not a baby, because murder babies, and Damian was just a pain in the ass. 

Dick just looked really happy as he spoke quietly to Damian and pointed things out to him with Damian's hand wrapped around one of his fingers. And he liked that look on Dick. Happy. He really liked it. 

As soon as they'd stepped foot inside the apartment, Dick's phone made obnoxious noises. He picked up just as Jason hurled the grocery bags up on the counters and watched Damian totter into the livingroom. Jason waved his hand in front of Dick's face and motioned towards him.

"Go keep his ass in check," he said as Dick picked up and strolled into the living room.

After all the food was unpacked, Jason grabbed a beer, thinking that if Damian was supposed to stay with them any longer, he'd need it, when Dick popped out of the livingroom, a whiny Damian on his hip. He probably wanted to nap, Jason had read in Dick's notepad that kids that small took naps, and Damian looked grouchy enough to want one now.

 _He_ kind of wanted a nap, but the look on Dick's face told him he wasn't about to get one.

"Yup. We'll be there in thirty. Seeya, Tim," Dick said, bouncing Damian a little on his hip. He hung up and took one glance at the beer Jason had just let fall from his lips, and said "We're going. And I'm driving."

Jason wanted to protest, but saw where Dick was coming from, and shrugged as if it didn't mean anything. It wouldn't have if this had been any other day, but today wasn't any other, today was with a fucking  _baby._

This time, Jason sat in the back with Damian in his lap instead of in the front. Dick took a picture, because he was a bitch like that, and Jason would've bitched about more of the picture-taking if he wasn't dreading this car trip too much to complain. Jason was going to have a cranky one-year-seven-months old baby in his lap, who wanted to be anywhere but Jason's lap. And with no celery in sight.  

Fuck.

\---

When they arrived, after sixteen minutes of screaming and the rest of the fourteen minutes quiet sobbing and Jason patting Damian awkwardly, Damian was grumpy, Dick was tired, and Jason was absolutely exhausted. Alfred greeted them in the doorway. 

"Eventful day, masters?" he asked as he tutted until Jason grumbled and pulled his jacket off to give it to him. 

"You could say that," Dick smiled. "Damian's been really good, actually, only one bathroom misshap and the fact that he needed Jason to proof eat everything before he did being trouble."

"He screamed half the damn way here," Jason said, rubbing at his temples. He couldn't touch the kid now, what with his watery eyes and just,  _no._

"I see. May I?" Alfred asked, and reached out for Damian. Dick handed him over gracefully, and Alfred carried Damian on his hip like it wasn't even bothering him. "The others are downstairs."

"We know the way, thanks Alfie," Dick said, but still let Alfred walk them to the old clock, and slip down with them. 

They came into the batcave, and Jason felt a tug in his chest at the familiarity of the place. It didn't look exactly like it had in his time, and he'd been here a few times since being accepted back into the family, but really, it still makes him kind of uncomfortable to even be in the manor. This, this is a whole new level of mortification and recognition and sad longing. 

Tim was sitting in a big computer chair, and spun around in it when he heard them coming. 

"Whoa," he said with a eyebrow raise. "You guys look like you've been hit by a truck."

"So do you, Timmy," Jason snapped back. Tim smirked.

At least he was in his Superman pjs, which meant he'd at least taken a shower and hopefully a nap. What was it with everybody in this family and wearing Supes merch anyways? Everyone but Jason seemed to have a weird obsession with him. Even Bruce seemed to think of him as a friend, which was just, whoa. Not that Bruce sported Superman underwear, he'd probably rather be dead than caught in his merch, but he was always researching things Clark asked him to look up and even let him come into the cave. 

Seeing as Bruce was so fucking territorial he might as well be pissing around Gotham's city limits, that was pretty huge.

The bat in question was standing by the batcomputer, flipping through some files, barely acknowledging their arrival.

"Seriously, what's with the death faces? Something happen?" Tim asked. 

"Damian is just a damn hellion in a car," Jason grit out.

"Tea?" Alfred asked, the british bastard. Nobody could make tea like Al, even though Jason was more of a coffee guy. Alfred kept buying tea, and even though nobody was scared of him, it was hard to say no to him. He'd do that really British tut thing, and it always made you feel like you were a puppy who'd pissed on the carpet. Might as well drink the damn tea.

"Yes, thank you Alfred," Bruce said from the computer. He was still in his costume, just with the cowl pulled back, but didn't look anymore relaxed than Batman did, if his body language was anything to go by. 

"Very well, Sir," Alfred said, handing Damian over to Jason when Damian stretched his arms out with the muffled 'Jay' Jason had become used to. 

"God, kid, why do you always want me to carry you?" Jason asked with a sigh, but took Damian anyways, and let Alfred disappear into the shadows again.

"Aww, Jason loves Damian," Tim cooed, and Jason pushed Tim's chair away forcefulling, making the teen burst into laughter as he spun away.

Damian said something from behind his pacifier, and Dick removed it.

"If you want to speak your last words as a toddler, do it now," Jason suggested, and Damian looked a little confused, looking over Jason's shoulder at Dick.

"Didi?" he asked, and Dick took his little hand.

"You're gonna be fine, Dami, I promise," Dick said comfortingly, and then let go as Bruce turned around.

"Thank you for taking care of him," Bruce said, scrubbing a tired hand over his eyes as he said it. It shocked Jason.

"Um... You're welcome but don't ever make us do it again?" he said, almost questioningly. Bruce gave him a hint of a smile, which shocked Jason even more.

"Babs traced Clock King down and burned the blueprints. Hopefully nothing else of the sort will ever happen again," Bruce said.

"Babs is usually thorough," Dick said. Bruce nodded his agreement.

"Let's get this show on the road then," Jason said. Bruce's eyes met his son's, and Damian's fingers curled into Jason's jacket all of a sudden.

Uh oh.

Bruce turned to go get the ray gun, and suddenly Jason noticed just how tense the small body in his arms was. Back the fuck up.

Damian was scared of Bruce, but not him?

That was... Both insulting and concerning. Dick seemed to take notice too, and traded a confused look with Jason who shrugged a little back. But then Damian clung hard to Jason as Bruce approached. Damian's eyes were doing that twitchy thing they did when he was getting scared. Bruce didn't seem to notice, or, seeing as he was supposed to be the greatest detective in the world, he probably didn't care, which pissed Jason off on levels he'd forgotten he had. He grit his teeth. 

"Hold it," he said and turned his body a little so that Damian was hidden from Bruce. Bruce's jaw set in anger.

"Yes Jason?" he asked, slowly, daring Jason to keep this shit up.

"He's fucking scared of you, chill out. Get out of the batsuit or don't come near him lookin' like that," he said, waving towards Bruce's face. 

"I'm his father," Bruce said calmly.

"So? To him, you're the scary dude with the gun about to shoot him, he doesn't know you're his father. They told him stories about you when he asked, and he only started asking at like, five. He doesn't _know_ you."

"But he trusts you?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"Hey, I'm as surprised as you are, big guy, I met small Damian a total of six times under five years, and-" His words died in his throat. _OH._ But that made so much sense! He loved Dick because Dick was gorgeous and perfect and nice and he liked Jason because... How had Jason not remembered that? "That's why you're so obsessed with me, isn't it? You've seen me before," he said to Damian, looking down into bright blue eyes. 

"Jay," Damian said in his distressed, high-pitched voice and grabbed his jacket harder. 

"Oh. Well that makes sense. I knew it wasn't because of my parenting skills," he said, still hiding Damian from Bruce with his torso.

"Jason," Dick said gently, looking at Jason tenatively. "Damian needs to turn back to his normal age. We can't keep him this small forever."

"Jay," Damian said again, sounding more distressed.

"Shh, it's okay, you're fine," Jason soothed, finally turning back towards Bruce. Slowly. With his eyes narrowed. Damian seemed to sense the threat and made a high pitched whine. "He's not gonna hurt you. Promise. You're gonna have to be really nice now, alright Damian?"

Damian seemed unsure still, but loosened his grip enough to be set down. Bruce crouched down in front of the toddler. Damian clenched his jaw stubbornly, and tilted his nose up, like a true Al Ghul, and Bruce's lips twitched at the sight. 

"I need you to stay really still for me, Damian," Bruce said, hiding the ray gun under his cape. He wasn't an idiot. Aiming a gun at his two year old son who was raised around particularly sharp swords and master assassins wasn't a good idea, at least not doing it visibly. When Damian seemed to brace himself, oh how Bruce wished he didn't know how to do that at this age, he nudged his arm a slight bit to the left, clearing the line of fire of his cape, and pressed the trigger.

\---

It took more or less a minute for Damian's limbs to stretch back out to their normal size.

And christ, the kid was even _more_ of a brat this time around. Never mind that Dick and Jason had changed his damn diapers, the first thing out of Damian's snooty mouth when he blinked his eyes open were 'why is Todd here'.

Ah, some things never change. 

"I have no memory of being a toddler," Damian droned as Tim threw a pair of sweatpants at him. Damian caught them in the air and hopped into them.

"Oh, but we sure do. We've got lots of pictures to prove it," Jason said with a smirk.

"Wait 'til Babs sees your baby cheeks," Dick grinned. Damian shot them both murderous glares. 

"I think I might even make one of the pictures my new lock screen," Tim said.

"Oh, right, you need to send me some of those to my phone," Jason said, and Tim nodded as a smile  tugged on his lips. Dick grabbed Damian by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Bruce was just watching for now, but looking like he was itching to hug too. Okay, maybe he did care about Damian, at least he still had the means and possibilites to not fuck Damian up. He didn't have to care about Jason. That was fine. 

"What happened then? I turned into a toddler, then what?" Damian asked, accepting the hug from Dick begrudgingly and with a fist to his shoulder. 

"Jason and I took care of you until Bruce fixed the ray gun."

"What?" Damian looked downright appalled.

"You were so cute, following Jason around like a little duckling," Dick sighed happily, and the pure, unadultered horror on Damian's face was laughable. Jason didn't laugh though. 

"You sure didn't seem to despise li'l old me as a toddler. It was cute, really," Jason said with his hands in his pockets. Damian, still smushed against Dick, schooled his features into a scowl. 

"I do despise you now," he seethed, and Jason smiled, an odd sort of warmth filling his gut. 

"Ah, you little brat. I've missed this," he said, motioning between them. 

Damian scowled at him, and then Bruce sank down on his knees and Damian wrapped his arms around his fathers neck instead of paying attention to them. Dick's hand spread over his back, splayed between his shoulderblades.

"I know," he murmured to Jason. "They grow up so fast. Soon he'll be off to college."

"You're talking about him like he's our kid," Jason argued. Dick shrugged.

"He's the baby of the family. That makes him our kid too."

"What, we gotta make sure he doesn't turn out as fucked up as we did?"

"Yeah," Dick said, and dragged Jason's arm over his shoulders, sliding into what Jason now concidered as 'the space where only Dick is allowed to snuggle into'. "We're family. It's what we do. Keep the other people in our family out of trouble. Concidering that these people are family, that means we're constantly gonna have to risk our necks for theirs."

"Sounds like a shitty arrangement."

"Does it really?" Dick asked, looking up at Jason with his gorgeous blue eyes, and Jason shrugged to cover the thrum of his heart in his chest.

"Sounds like the kind of shitty arrangement we'd all get stuck in for life." Dick patted his chest.

"So, you're moving in?" he asked, not even sparing Jason a glance.

"I practically live with you already."

"We're not moving your gross couch into my apartment."

"Then we're getting a shiny new apartment, because the couch you have is goddamn  _hideous_."

"First of all, it's beautiful, second of all, let's just enjoy the 'everyone is fine and alive' tea, and then we can get going to _our_ place."

"And I get to pin you to the matress?" Jason whispered into Dick's ear, and he didn't miss the shiver he made. The look Dick shot him was teasing, and Jason immediately felt heat shoot through his body. 

"We'll see," Dick said, grabbing Jason's ass casually before grabbing Tim out of nowhere and trying to flip him over onto the sparring mat.

All of Jason's thoughts came to a sudden halt.

_I'm stupidly in love with Dick Grayson_

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This wasn't really researched to well, so if you have complaints about that, sorry, but I hope you still liked it!  
> Comments and Kudos make me really happy!  
> Stay awesome <3


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